Its 7.45am, and I got woken up by the bells of the Cathedral. Still feelin all bashed up after 3 days of exams, usually, I would most probably be cursing and swearing at the church bells by now. But I 'm not. Instead it just added icing onto the dream I just had. And it was so sweet I just had to blog it down before I start dreaming again of myself being send to jail for failing my, cannot be simpler, law paper.
Well, I have absolutely no idea why i dreamt of something that happened so long ago and so insignicant. The fact that those days was so blur in my concious mind but picture perfect during my sub-concious state.
It was YCS Christmas event 1997, my 1st time in charge of a major event. Alot of what I am today, being able to make pitches and speeches to groups and mass audiences had to be credited back to those days.
Being all young and uncharmingly childish back then, I really didnt think much about how lovely it was to be able to do what I did. Taking it all for granted. Cacoon brains, what I like to call them these days, are those which are yet to evolute, mine resembled the puny ones among the lot those days.
The dream was about event prep meeting which happened many years back. It was held with the St Nick girls like Sarah and Chuanhui, Maris guys like Raphal etc.. and my juniors.. Weihao, Boquan, Kelly, Nick all appearing in the scene of St.Peter and Paul church, YCS Club room waiting for, the as usual late, Jacky, me.
Why this werid dream?
Maybe I dreamt of this 'cause I happen to click into Weihao's friendster profile. To see Chuanhui together with Weihao (although already mentioned by Kelly recently), but to see their pics gives me a sweet sensation bursting out with joy. And it just happened to pop out during my slp tonight.
Why this kinda feeling?
I guess it can be explained by the tingling remorse of my messed up yester years, combined with the kind of marvellous love n relationship that can actually develop between these friends.
Repeatedly asking myself the same old question again n again , where the hell was I, what was i doing back then? Was I suffering from amnesia? or maybe I was abducted by alien lifeforms? Well, I'm quite sure I had a damn solid cacoon brain for a start.
Through these years of travelling and staying all over the world it finally provided me with the answer of what I really want in life.
Sadly, I always thought it was freedom, n even went as far as makin it my direction in life, to attain freedom. Free from what? I was nv a niger, nv been a slave before.
Couple of days ago, When Issy was talking about her friend smoking to be cool and rebellious, all the bad boy image kinda shit. That sounded alot like me who wass far worst than that. Ultimately, it was not freedom I was looking for, realised I was just being rebellious. So much so, that i rebelled against my own good.
But to think of it, if I didnt did what I did, it wouldnt become the present me, would it.
Therefore, now, I just wanna make sure i succeed in life, strive for what i wanna n hopefully make sure my family, brothers, friends and everyone I care and love get to taste and savor the sweetness of my success together with me. Alright! No more blabbering abt yesterday, Just be gd and stay gd! JAcky, Out!
Peace!
PS : This post is somewhat messy in stucturing and stuf, Pleae bear with me cuz i'm still half asleep typin this out. Goin back to bed.... zzzz.....
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