Thanks to all my good friends in the UK who didnt know what to do with me when i was down. Hahaha.. well guys, I’m sorry this is not the 1st time i was told i m some1 who put a fake indestructible attitude in front of every1 n not willing to open my heart to people. The fact is, my experiences in many areas n switching from different kinds of life, groups of people and living standards made me unable to find my true character anymore neither m i able to express my thoughts without boring u guys to death which u already were..hahaaa. Being too versatile loses my actual character.But frankly speaking i didnt like my usual self 1 bit, neither did any1 around me back then.

I finally decided during the Army to make an effort and change. N i did, popularity, crazy, funky.. anything fun and crazy were linked directly to me. Still it wasnt enough, it made people around me happy, old friends came back, new friends flooded my handphones but not an inch close to satisfying my family's wants of me after all those years of bullshit i created for them. So here i m today, knowing what i'm doing, doing what i can to make my family n friends around me happy, chasing bastards n crackers away from these people i care for.

Last night, i realized i lost myself big time. After losing my Nicole, i understood the true meaning of giving up something u like for the sake of her and others. Sanity? Nuts? or matured and understanding? i cant answer.. cuz this should not be me, not the typical Jacky way of doing things... nevertheless, i did it. So now comes the question, i did all these for the sake of making people around me smile n laugh, and for Nicole.. its the 1 thing i think i had to do to make her life better. Yet in the deepest portion of my heart i feel so empty.

Since JW n KOK no1 else actually managed to hit the X spot of my true self. Then again, these 2 fellas had been through all those crap n dungs with me before they could understand who the hell i really m.

New friends are fun, n i really want to keep it this way, but the fact is nothing will last. When theres up , theres always a down, people know new friends, enjoys new company n switchin to where they feel most comfortable, is perfectly understandable, n its something i should look at lightly. There will come a time i have to face with the fact that things r changing again... n this time i guess i might have to just accept that i dont always have the ability to change or keep things and people, even if i could, i wouldnt. Kok have always told me about the course of nature and breaking or manipulating it is nothing but disaster, JW have for years told me how life and power is in your own hands and control.

Hmmm.. well dudes, Jacky who always comes up with opposing the odds theories now agrees with the both of u.
The course of nature and the shifting of elements are facts which cannot be denied. Power is always in my hands to intervine, especially when i'm already part of the picture. So the ability to give up my own selfish wants and wishes is the power... That people will change, enjoy other company and leave is a course of nature, and it should not be altered.

The good side is, there r people who wouldn’t leave your side, the 1 (unfortunately almost all the time in my life is u dicky buddies of mine)... who will still stay loyal to me n enjoys my loyalty and company. I thank u dudes!..... sounds mushy.... yupz... but its not everyday Jacky will have the mood to say something like that.. so treasure it...haha. kiddin guys!Thats all for today.. will continue to update..

If any queries about my meaning or characters involved please feel free to ask me n i will be honest with u, if u wish to guess, den dun blame me if it wasn’t what i meant. Hahaha!