I'm but a little boat in a storm that just can't be anchored, I'm but a little bird without legs that simply cant land. These are all rubbish excuses rambled out in the lights of possible commitments, building a safety shield to camoflouge my weakness with an image of an egoistic rebellious wanderer. The fact is, I'm emotionally weak and needs tender loving care.
All my girls were different, and I would like to have loved everyone of them as individuals not influence by the previous. Here are some recollection, before i start to forget them as the years go by....
S - Childhood friend, seems like the best girl in my entire life till 21. I'll never know what could have been if only i persisted.......
J - Interesting... She was so much more dilligent in the relationship category that I almost felt silly.I guess she was lustful for me, amen I never got eaten by this fox. Hahaha! congrats to her new born! you are still pretty as a mom, no doubt about that...
K - Wrong wrong wrong... never loved her, never felt love..it was all lust, well 1 of the best ever but still lust without love is like drinking a can of warm coke. Sooo tiring, so bored, so troubled, worst time of me life. Cant imagine I allowed her into my private life... Wrong all so wrong!!
E - Lucky for me it happened so fast, I couldnt react in time. If we did get tgether long enough to see her evil-ness, my life would have turned upside down. She looked so innocent at first sight...then slowly things turned so ugly, for inside this cute little thing lies an evil dark princess! scary....
K - Raped
V - Never gave her a chance, great friends till this day but always asking the same old question..."why not her" hahah! She was just way over my league.. it would have been fun for a while but i'll lose a good friend.. Sorry.. it's well made decision not to start
N - Baby sister.. did i even love her before? an empty white paper for me to fill in the lines. Awesome experience for one who have never had a pure as snow relationship till then. I had a sweet time experiencing whatever i missed out during my teenage days, cool. Darn it! .. we simply couldn't communicate. It's like we are from different planets. God bless u r with someone from your planet now sista! Till we meet again.. live long and prosper~
J - College sweet heart, only love i knew thus far, thought she completed me. Was it my mistake or hers? She never came back from UK... never did. Rest was nothing but a whole load of wilfulness and stubborn ethics that hoped for the best which never came through... : (
J - A miraculous deja-vu. Felt so comfortable and felt so familiar. Guess we met at the right stage of our lives but wrong situation. I can see something about her that will satisfy my needs and wants in life. 1 step at a time... lets see what happens...
Jacky out for now....yawns... girls...........
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
28 going 30
Mesmerised by the yester years,
where times were tough but with no fears.
As fairy tales could seem so real,
Brightness awaits at the end of the tunnel.
An angel stands close by me,
overjoyed with peace and glee.
Winter aint cold, it aint horrid,
pleased as I was when we first saw it.
Now that summer is forever here,
Life seems so much more unclear.
Oh lord! my God! my guiding star,
You have tried to embrace me this far,
Sins of sinner, souls of pain
I'm not still not prepared
'cause I ain't no saint.
28 going 30
dreams fall short of being wordy,
Thrills with no frills aint no surprise,
aftermath shall not entice.
Let me be what I wanna be,
for tommorrow we shall see,
Creeps shivers up the spine,
Take a deep breath, smile!
it'll soon be over,
it'll soon be fine.
To: me myself my past and me future...
where times were tough but with no fears.
As fairy tales could seem so real,
Brightness awaits at the end of the tunnel.
An angel stands close by me,
overjoyed with peace and glee.
Winter aint cold, it aint horrid,
pleased as I was when we first saw it.
Now that summer is forever here,
Life seems so much more unclear.
Oh lord! my God! my guiding star,
You have tried to embrace me this far,
Sins of sinner, souls of pain
I'm not still not prepared
'cause I ain't no saint.
28 going 30
dreams fall short of being wordy,
Thrills with no frills aint no surprise,
aftermath shall not entice.
Let me be what I wanna be,
for tommorrow we shall see,
Creeps shivers up the spine,
Take a deep breath, smile!
it'll soon be over,
it'll soon be fine.
To: me myself my past and me future...
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Memories
It's quite incredible that I haven't updated this blog for exactly a year. Isn't it interesting that people only look back on their lives and try to find the wonderful memories after they have lost what they treasure most. Some try too hard to plan for the future and neglected the current, while I as a self proclaim history buff, should have continuoosly looked back and let my past teach me some lessons that I have convinently put aside.
I doubt anyone will be reading this blog anymore, so I guess I can write any rubbish I feel like rumbling.
As the previous entries showed how diffcult a process we've been through to get together, my dearest dearest Mole decided that she no longer have the deep love for her Toad.
Cryin....Brain block...... will continue laterz
I doubt anyone will be reading this blog anymore, so I guess I can write any rubbish I feel like rumbling.
As the previous entries showed how diffcult a process we've been through to get together, my dearest dearest Mole decided that she no longer have the deep love for her Toad.
Cryin....Brain block...... will continue laterz
Sunday, September 02, 2007
The new Era - Positivity & Negativity
Back in Surrey!
Positivity: End of a gruelling n revealing holiday back to Singapore. BAck on track now, all steam ahead to get good results n get a job in London! Shall not let my brother down!
Positivity 2: Travelled back together with Janice, got upgraded to business class on our 2nd transit flight from Doha to London! IT WAS AMAZING! both of us had the opportunity to make toast with Champagne n Chardonnay for a new blissful, happy, lovely, romantic n lucky new year!
That leads me to...
Negativity: Dragging our luggages pass University court, looking up at the window i used to threw stones at .... a gush a bitter sweet sensation stinged our eyes red for a moment. No more throwing stones at Terrance's window n getting cursed.. No more callin him up to bullshit n relax, no more dinners with perry, edd n the whole gang. With him ard, life was so much easier n fun, but I guess I should be happy for him now that he is able to take care of the 2 ladies of his life instead of paying attention to silly me n his stubborn sista! haha! W/O him ard, there're so much more responsibilites I have to bear this time! but I will try my best to uphold my promises.
Anyway, Alpha male theory works only when there r 2 or more males ard... presently.. I'm the only bull with alot of work to do.
The new Era!
Promised MY 2 ladies that I'll work extra hard to get gd results n a gd job in UK. (Fingers crossed). Will be blogging more often now that I'm back..
VOTE PLEASE!
Which do u prefer?
My blog in diary style: With a record of my daily life n activities or more essays, thoughts n ponders?
Positivity: End of a gruelling n revealing holiday back to Singapore. BAck on track now, all steam ahead to get good results n get a job in London! Shall not let my brother down!
Positivity 2: Travelled back together with Janice, got upgraded to business class on our 2nd transit flight from Doha to London! IT WAS AMAZING! both of us had the opportunity to make toast with Champagne n Chardonnay for a new blissful, happy, lovely, romantic n lucky new year!
That leads me to...
Negativity: Dragging our luggages pass University court, looking up at the window i used to threw stones at .... a gush a bitter sweet sensation stinged our eyes red for a moment. No more throwing stones at Terrance's window n getting cursed.. No more callin him up to bullshit n relax, no more dinners with perry, edd n the whole gang. With him ard, life was so much easier n fun, but I guess I should be happy for him now that he is able to take care of the 2 ladies of his life instead of paying attention to silly me n his stubborn sista! haha! W/O him ard, there're so much more responsibilites I have to bear this time! but I will try my best to uphold my promises.
Anyway, Alpha male theory works only when there r 2 or more males ard... presently.. I'm the only bull with alot of work to do.
The new Era!
Promised MY 2 ladies that I'll work extra hard to get gd results n a gd job in UK. (Fingers crossed). Will be blogging more often now that I'm back..
VOTE PLEASE!
Which do u prefer?
My blog in diary style: With a record of my daily life n activities or more essays, thoughts n ponders?
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Intellectual vs inner spirit
Sorry I havent updated my blog for quite a while now, mostly because I find my last entry very self -searching and hope to savour it for a bit longer.
Ok.. Now, when I talk about intellectual, its very obvious its about people with intelligence and IQ. One who speaks and write with vibrance, power and high command of language filled with a huge truck load of encylopedias worth of knowledge.
But when I talk about inner spirit? what comes to mind? religions? ghost? karma? or Nirvana?
If inner peace is your answer, I have to say its right! if u r a buddhist or one who seeks peace. What I'm referring to is much more than just peace, but what is deep inside. It could be anything, it could be heavenly yet it could be horriffic. A person who has murderous tendencies brought up in a church might look, act and speaks about GOD, but it is not the real him. A beast who thinks he is a sheep, will soon smell blood, its eyes turn red and its fangs will penetrate the flesh of his brothers, the sheeps he grew up with.
Now you must be asking, how are the two linked? n what m I trying to imply?
Well, all I want to state is a simple fact that "Don't just believe what you see and hear, theres more to a person that meets the eye"
I honestly believe that a person cant be transformed or programed totally to one so different from his origins. The power of knowledge and the emphasis on personifications in our modern society proves to be a deadly coverup for the beast.
Little red riding hood and the wolf in grandma's clothings is not just a bed time story or fairytale, it is a story written to warn little children not to believe what they see n know how to protect themselves. Sadly I have to say that the victims of the modern day story falls upon not just children but adults, who simply dont see the difference between a butcher with a bible n a professor with a cleaver.
Never judge a person by his packaging, look deeper, unwrap the covers, take a peek into his life and run as fast as your legs can bring you if you see .........HOMER SIMPSON~~~ DoHz!!!!!
~~The End~~~
Ok.. Now, when I talk about intellectual, its very obvious its about people with intelligence and IQ. One who speaks and write with vibrance, power and high command of language filled with a huge truck load of encylopedias worth of knowledge.
But when I talk about inner spirit? what comes to mind? religions? ghost? karma? or Nirvana?
If inner peace is your answer, I have to say its right! if u r a buddhist or one who seeks peace. What I'm referring to is much more than just peace, but what is deep inside. It could be anything, it could be heavenly yet it could be horriffic. A person who has murderous tendencies brought up in a church might look, act and speaks about GOD, but it is not the real him. A beast who thinks he is a sheep, will soon smell blood, its eyes turn red and its fangs will penetrate the flesh of his brothers, the sheeps he grew up with.
Now you must be asking, how are the two linked? n what m I trying to imply?
Well, all I want to state is a simple fact that "Don't just believe what you see and hear, theres more to a person that meets the eye"
I honestly believe that a person cant be transformed or programed totally to one so different from his origins. The power of knowledge and the emphasis on personifications in our modern society proves to be a deadly coverup for the beast.
Little red riding hood and the wolf in grandma's clothings is not just a bed time story or fairytale, it is a story written to warn little children not to believe what they see n know how to protect themselves. Sadly I have to say that the victims of the modern day story falls upon not just children but adults, who simply dont see the difference between a butcher with a bible n a professor with a cleaver.
Never judge a person by his packaging, look deeper, unwrap the covers, take a peek into his life and run as fast as your legs can bring you if you see .........HOMER SIMPSON~~~ DoHz!!!!!
~~The End~~~
Sunday, March 11, 2007
A song of my past 无赖
Lyrics of 无赖
This is a cantonese song by 郑中基
about a bastard and his life.... was this my past??
Its a great song! Enjoy it!
我间中饮醉酒很喜欢自
由常犯错爱说谎但总会内疚
遇过很多的损友学到贪新厌旧
亦欠过很多女人
怕结婚只会守三分钟诺言
曾话过要戒烟但讲了就算
梦与想丢低很远但对返工厌倦
自小不会打算
但是仍唯独你爱我这废人
出错你都肯去忍
然而谁亦早知不会合衬
偏偏你愿意等
为何还喜欢我我这种无赖
是话你蠢还是很伟大
在座每位都将我踩口碑有多坏
但你亦永远不见怪
何必跟我我这种无赖
没大半生还是很失败
但是你死都不变心跟我笑著捱
就算坏我也不忍心偷偷作怪
没有跟的野种飘忽的命途
谁像你当我宝甚黱也做到
旧爱手中一疋布在这刻写句号
只想跟你终老
在地球唯独你爱我这废人
出错你都肯去忍
然而谁亦早知不会合衬
偏偏你愿意等
为何还喜欢我我这种无赖
是话你蠢还是很伟大
在座每位都将我踩口碑有多坏
但你亦永远不见怪
何必跟我我这种无赖
没大半生还是很失败
但是你死都不变心跟我笑著捱
就算我也不忍心
还喜欢我我这种无赖
是话你蠢还是很伟大
在座每位都将我踩口碑有多坏但
你亦永远不见怪
何必跟我我这种无赖
没大半生还是很失败
但是你死都不变心跟我拼命捱
换转别个也忍心偏偏作怪
Reminds me....
All my smoking Kakis are exactly what is described in the song! So that goes for all of you !hahhaha!!! (Dont wanna mention who.... Kok.... Jianwei... Mel....Bobby.... Andy...... Liang......etc etc......)
This is a cantonese song by 郑中基
about a bastard and his life.... was this my past??
Its a great song! Enjoy it!
我间中饮醉酒很喜欢自
由常犯错爱说谎但总会内疚
遇过很多的损友学到贪新厌旧
亦欠过很多女人
怕结婚只会守三分钟诺言
曾话过要戒烟但讲了就算
梦与想丢低很远但对返工厌倦
自小不会打算
但是仍唯独你爱我这废人
出错你都肯去忍
然而谁亦早知不会合衬
偏偏你愿意等
为何还喜欢我我这种无赖
是话你蠢还是很伟大
在座每位都将我踩口碑有多坏
但你亦永远不见怪
何必跟我我这种无赖
没大半生还是很失败
但是你死都不变心跟我笑著捱
就算坏我也不忍心偷偷作怪
没有跟的野种飘忽的命途
谁像你当我宝甚黱也做到
旧爱手中一疋布在这刻写句号
只想跟你终老
在地球唯独你爱我这废人
出错你都肯去忍
然而谁亦早知不会合衬
偏偏你愿意等
为何还喜欢我我这种无赖
是话你蠢还是很伟大
在座每位都将我踩口碑有多坏
但你亦永远不见怪
何必跟我我这种无赖
没大半生还是很失败
但是你死都不变心跟我笑著捱
就算我也不忍心
还喜欢我我这种无赖
是话你蠢还是很伟大
在座每位都将我踩口碑有多坏但
你亦永远不见怪
何必跟我我这种无赖
没大半生还是很失败
但是你死都不变心跟我拼命捱
换转别个也忍心偏偏作怪
Reminds me....
All my smoking Kakis are exactly what is described in the song! So that goes for all of you !hahhaha!!! (Dont wanna mention who.... Kok.... Jianwei... Mel....Bobby.... Andy...... Liang......etc etc......)
Monday, February 26, 2007
Jacky's 25th Birthday!!
22nd/23rd Feb
This Birthday was absoultely lovely! Not because it was exciting or crazy like my 19 n 20 birthday bashes but a sense of apprecation to all n frm friends and brothers I have and treasures dearly.
It all started with Thursday night! With Darling Janice preparing a beautiful mini celebration for me! Couple's heartwarming night.. the best start to all my bday celebrations!
Thursday! ~~~Romance~~~
Janice prepared mini cake for me!
Starting Afternoon 23rd FEB 2007
Thanks to my brudders! sistas! and family back at home celebrated for me in my house over the webcam!( They had good food preped by my mom! at my house! W/O me HOME!!!) but nvm i still really appreciate it! Not everyone is as lucky as me to have such good friends back home! Thanks dudes! n I'll be home sooner than u think!!! Keep my precious red wine intact until I get home, promise will open a good 1!! (KOK!! Hello Kitty have to wait much longer now Hor....Sianz rightz.....)
I LuV u guys! Jianwei, Kok, Curly, Steph and Kim (Derek too, but he had to protect Singapore! so forgiven! Hahahaha)
Night Falls!
My 1st Birthday party in Surrey, UK! with all my dudes and dudettes! It was a hell of a night I tell you!!
Friday! Dinner celebration!!
My Birthday cake~~~Making a wish~~~Me and Darlin Janice
Chinese Takeaway SUPER DINNER!! and TONS OF BEER!!, compliment of Terence, Edd and Perry! Thanks dudes!
Friends in Surrey! Sweet yeah!
Names of the worthy and prestigious attendees:
Jonathan, Melissa, Fiona, Sarah, Soo ling,Ah King, Edward,Perry, Isabelle, Shermaine & my dearest Janice and Terence!
And.. shortly after Dinner......
5! 10! 15! 20! Lets GO! 
Edward bullying!
Fiona trying her best to against the master! Too bad.. gal, you aint got what it takes!
Pssst...Janice! Look who's gonez! Hahaha! No! Not Them!
Hahahaa!! You think he's OuT!? You aint seen nothing yet!
And after we had our sumptious dinner n games.........
~~~^^^PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UNION!PARTY!!!!^^^~~~~~
and there HE IS AGAIN!!!
And Me, n Them, N Us!!
This Birthday was absoultely lovely! Not because it was exciting or crazy like my 19 n 20 birthday bashes but a sense of apprecation to all n frm friends and brothers I have and treasures dearly.
It all started with Thursday night! With Darling Janice preparing a beautiful mini celebration for me! Couple's heartwarming night.. the best start to all my bday celebrations!
Thursday! ~~~Romance~~~
Janice prepared mini cake for me!
Starting Afternoon 23rd FEB 2007
Thanks to my brudders! sistas! and family back at home celebrated for me in my house over the webcam!( They had good food preped by my mom! at my house! W/O me HOME!!!) but nvm i still really appreciate it! Not everyone is as lucky as me to have such good friends back home! Thanks dudes! n I'll be home sooner than u think!!! Keep my precious red wine intact until I get home, promise will open a good 1!! (KOK!! Hello Kitty have to wait much longer now Hor....Sianz rightz.....)
I LuV u guys! Jianwei, Kok, Curly, Steph and Kim (Derek too, but he had to protect Singapore! so forgiven! Hahahaha)
Night Falls!
My 1st Birthday party in Surrey, UK! with all my dudes and dudettes! It was a hell of a night I tell you!!
Friday! Dinner celebration!!
My Birthday cake~~~Making a wish~~~Me and Darlin Janice
Chinese Takeaway SUPER DINNER!! and TONS OF BEER!!, compliment of Terence, Edd and Perry! Thanks dudes!
Friends in Surrey! Sweet yeah!Names of the worthy and prestigious attendees:
Jonathan, Melissa, Fiona, Sarah, Soo ling,Ah King, Edward,Perry, Isabelle, Shermaine & my dearest Janice and Terence!
And.. shortly after Dinner......
5! 10! 15! 20! Lets GO! 
Edward bullying!
Fiona trying her best to against the master! Too bad.. gal, you aint got what it takes!
Pssst...Janice! Look who's gonez! Hahaha! No! Not Them!
Hahahaa!! You think he's OuT!? You aint seen nothing yet!
And after we had our sumptious dinner n games.........
~~~^^^PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UNION!PARTY!!!!^^^~~~~~
and there HE IS AGAIN!!!
And Me, n Them, N Us!!
Well, my 25th Birthday ended with a real BANG! all thanks to my greatest friends and buddies! Remember gang! Jacky will be just a phonecall away, no matter where I am in the World! Thank you all!
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